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Shazam: The Fury of Product Placement (spoilers...but who gives a f$#%?)19305

Collector KMiracleman private msg quote post Address this user
"Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine! Ovaltine? A crummy commercial?!?"

As the DC Cinematic Universe usually does, this movie shouts to the audience "pleeeeze love us...look at all the shiny, CGI things we throw your way! Look at the humor, the cameos, the gorgeous actors!"...and then delivers a big, steaming pile of mediocrity, low stakes action this movie...Skittles.

Yep...Skittles. As a plot point. Let's get back to that later.

The film begins with all the Botox-laden fury that Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu can force through faces that have been frozen in time by Beverly Hills' finest surgeons; seriously, they look like the CGI-borne nightmare versions of DeNiro and Pacino forced upon us in that three-hour Scorcese...thing about...y'know...mobsters or something (I fell asleep halfway through, thank goodness)? In their desperate attempts to stave off the effects of aging, they have enhanced their beauty...if beauty is supposed to look like someone ironed and then dry-cleaned your face. Anyhoo, they portray the Daughters of Atlas, who steal back the magical staff broken by Shazam at the end of the first movie. Their powers are returned to them when the staff is repaired. One of the many flaws of this movie's script is that their "powers" fluctuate wildly to suit each individual scene; in one scene, they seem to have powers that could easily vanquish entire cities in half a the next, their powers are limited and they can be hurt by the Marvel Family. The stakes, therefore, are never all that high.

We then reunite with Zachary Levi's Shazam, who is having a personal struggle with his leadership role and whether or not he's "worthy" of carrying the powers granted to him. Levi is charming and charismatic, and the script doesn't really do him any favors, as we see him struggling to keep the audience interested by delivering a machine-gun barrage of jokes, some of which fall dead, most of which elicit nothing more than a smile. The other super-family members (with the exception of Captain Marvel Jr.) are only fleshed out a little bit more than they were in the first movie, which isn't saying a whole lot. They never really feel like they're three-dimensional characters: there's the smart one, the young plucky one, the playboy/party animal..aaaand....the rest. Their generic "characters" lower the stakes even more; if one of them died, no big whup...because the script never makes me care about them.

The two-hour runtime is a slog, with the heroes trying to figure out a way to defeat the Botox twins. There's the hilariously clueless foster parents...they're supposedly a loving, caring couple who took in a virtual harem of orphans. Yet, when their little foster kids leave the house for...sometimes HOURS..they never raise an eyebrow or get concerned in the least. There's a dragon who also seems to have a mouth that just kinda...lights up (?), until the scene calls for it to unleash a magical flame (when convenient). Dramatic stakes be damned again, I guess...(sigh). There's a love interest for Freddy Freeman, there's a cameo that was already spoiled by the latest trailer (and when it happens, it's a deus ex machina moment that feels forced and anticlimactic anyways). There's even a mid-credits scene that once again shows DC's desperate attempts to replicate the excitement of the Phase 1-3 MCU mid-and-post credits scenes. They're attempting (again?...sigh) to build up to a climactic team movie where they can once again show just how forced and futile it is to try and re-capture lightning in a bottle, which the Phase 1-3 MCU did so skillfully years ago. Aaaaand finally...there's the Skittles.

I told you we'd get back to that. Yeah...there's product placement and then there's EGREGIOUS product placement. This here "movie" becomes a "commercial"...complete with the marketing slogan "Taste the Rainbow" ADDED TO THE FRIGGIN' SCRIPT.'s just the worst. Cringe does not even begin to explain the squirming, awkward, pathetic moment when the plot turns on a...a...crummy commercial.

Don't bother, unless you're a die-hard fan of the Marvel Family. In which case...go ahead...Taste the Rainbow. Just don't mind the maggots festering inside it.
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PLOD theCapraAegagrus private msg quote post Address this user
Hard to have stakes when there are 6 Supermen in your movie. They introduced the Shazamily far too early.
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You can't get good wood on the ball every time. HotKeyComics private msg quote post Address this user
🤣 now that is a review!

I didn't think it was quite that bad.
Helen and Lucy definitely looked like they were freshly cleaned and pressed.
Typical sequel format of "newly formed team faces internal conflict, can the leader bring them back together??"
It was entertaining but I liked Quantumania better.
Id give it a 2.5 out of 5.
.5 bump for the wooden dragon. 🤣
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I'm good with splotches. Nuffsaid111 private msg quote post Address this user
Watching Superhero movies for either Marvel or DC lately is often becoming a chore.
You walk into the theater hoping & praying for something even decent; you leave with dog sh&t on your shoes.

Can't wait to compare this to Quantumania. Should be fun!
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Collector codychunn private msg quote post Address this user
DC continues to drown in the bile of their own mediocrity. Even the more gritty films are only gritty enough to chafe.

What's with Black Adam? Exact same origin?

Now the MCS is marching out flop after flop.

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Collector makahuka private msg quote post Address this user
Totally dig Quantumania, Stoked for Fury of the Gods!
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Not trying to be an ass since February 12, 2020. HulkSmash private msg quote post Address this user
I haven’t seen it. It sounds like you did not like it so much.
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It was a one trick pony show but always hilarious. GAC private msg quote post Address this user
@KMiracleman pm'd you.
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Collector cesidio private msg quote post Address this user
I personally thought it was a waste of time and money
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" . " Davethebrave private msg quote post Address this user
Surprised some people watched it in theaters in first couple days given past comments…

The trailer looked pretty bad. I enjoyed the first movie but didn’t have high hopes… will watch when it streams (free)…
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If the viagra is working you should be well over a 9.8. xkonk private msg quote post Address this user
People sounded pretty optimistic overall
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Beaten by boat oars Studley_Dudley private msg quote post Address this user
I liked it enough to watch it, but it wasn't mind-blowing nor do I know how much I would care to rewatch it. I can wait until it is on TNT. It was adequate. There was some ok character development but as OP pointed out, most of the Marvel family was there to round out the checklist.

Product placement was no worse than any other film I've seen.

All characters are written with powers and abilities to suit whatever the plot dictates. That checks out with comics from all publishers throughout history.

Decent eye candy.

Maybe because I don't know as much about Captain Marvel/Shazam as I do about Transformers, it doesn't hurt me to watch it since I won't compare it to the source material.

DC and Marvel love to thrive in mediocrity.

** out of ****
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Collector James42 private msg quote post Address this user
I am waiting for streaming. But I was not impressed with the first film, even though it had some great performances. I'm also still unhappy with DC's decision to rename the character.
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