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Share your favorite jokes:18325

Suck it up, buttercup!! KatKomics private msg quote post Address this user
Quote:
Originally Posted by power_struggle55
When I see a couples name carved onto the side of a tree. I dont think "these two must be in love". I think "who brings a knife to a date"


maybe it's just me?? lots of people have pocket knives all the time - how do you eat fruit? I mostly cut off pieces of apple, pear etc...so generally have a knife close at hand
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If the viagra is working you should be well over a 9.8. xkonk private msg quote post Address this user
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatKomics
how do you eat fruit?


Personally, at home with a kitchen knife (if I cut it at all).
Post 77 IP   flag post
I blame the forum gremlins. figment private msg quote post Address this user
There are two types of people in the world.
1. Those who can extrapolate from an incomplete data set.
Post 78 IP   flag post
being an ass and being a clown are two very different things. WMorse private msg quote post Address this user
Have you heard the rumors that Zeus has been cheating on his wife?

Apparently it was all just Hera-say until he got the thunderclap.
Post 79 IP   flag post
You can't get good wood on the ball every time. HotKeyComics private msg quote post Address this user
not really my "favorite" joke... but..

Post 80 IP   flag post


Collector 00slim private msg quote post Address this user
One of my favorite bits.

Post 81 IP   flag post
Collector stanley_1883 private msg quote post Address this user
What did one butt cheek say to the other?

Together, we can stop this s#!t.
Post 82 IP   flag post
It was a one trick pony show but always hilarious. GAC private msg quote post Address this user
What did one bald man say to the other bald man?

If we put our heads together we can make an ass of ourselves.

a riff on a Rodney Dangerfield scene.
Post 83 IP   flag post
Collector Nearmint67 private msg quote post Address this user
@WMorse all these jokes really make me laugh...
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Collector stanley_1883 private msg quote post Address this user
Why are Spider-Man’s clothes so wrinkly?

Because he has no Iron, Man.
Post 85 IP   flag post
I AM... THE Bat-Manuel MurrayC private msg quote post Address this user
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley_1883
Why are Spider-Man’s clothes so wrinkly?

Because he has no Iron, Man.


TOO SOON!
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Collector SidTheSquid private msg quote post Address this user
I like to change up jokes that people think they know where it's going...

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Yode-lay-hee.

Yode-lay-hee- who?

(Change voice to sound like a grumpy 12 year old): Yo, da lady who lived here last Halloween gave out KING SIZE candy bars...
Post 87 IP   flag post
Suck it up, buttercup!! KatKomics private msg quote post Address this user
Albert Einstein was a nice guy.....but his brother Frank was a real monster
Post 88 IP   flag post
Collector the420bandito private msg quote post Address this user
Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

He's married.
Post 89 IP   flag post
Collector 00slim private msg quote post Address this user
I have one that I’ve always thought was funny, but it’s very dark/morbid. So, if that’s not your cup of tea, skip this one.

Three guys are stranded on an island with cannibals. If they’re captured, the men will be skinned so the cannibals can build a boat to escape the island.

I warned you, right? 😆

For sport, they’re told they can each request one thing before they’re hunted.

The first man requests a horse. Of course, once he ran out of land, he was captured.

The second man requests a gun. But once he was out of bullets, he was captured.

The third man requests a fork. Confused, the cannibals oblige. The men screams, “this is for your stinking boat!” and begins stabbing himself all over with the fork.

This one is funnier in person, because when you tell it, the gestured stabbing motion really sells the punchline.

So … after that joke, are we still friends? 😅
Post 90 IP   flag post
Suck it up, buttercup!! KatKomics private msg quote post Address this user
If we are going for morbid....


What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?..........Christopher Reeve
Post 91 IP   flag post
It was a one trick pony show but always hilarious. GAC private msg quote post Address this user
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Post 92 IP   flag post
It was a one trick pony show but always hilarious. GAC private msg quote post Address this user
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.... We’ll see about that.
Post 93 IP   flag post
Collector 00slim private msg quote post Address this user
Quote:
Originally Posted by GAC
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”


An interesting take on this Flip classic!

Quote:
Originally Posted by 00slim
One of my favorite bits.

Post 94 IP   flag post
It was a one trick pony show but always hilarious. GAC private msg quote post Address this user
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
Post 95 IP   flag post
It was a one trick pony show but always hilarious. GAC private msg quote post Address this user
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
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being an ass and being a clown are two very different things. WMorse private msg quote post Address this user
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.
Post 97 IP   flag post
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