 Leftover Sundae Gnus
|
CatmanAmerica private msg quote post Address this user | |
Okay, just because it's Christmas, I'll share some of my Wilderness Journey Tales. You can view these as a present, although the twisted endings may leave the impression of having been left a lump of coal under your tree.
I've shared versions on my Facebook page and with friends on another board ...perhaps I should've said shared with the bored friends who've read them. These have been refined a bit since I started writing them during the great freeze of '21. Anyway, I've penned dozens without ever touching a pen.
Basically, they're short stories set in the frontier west (the earlier tales tend to be shorter). Here's the basic background:
These are told from a first person POV as a journal kept by a fur trapper who decides he might have better luck as a traveling gambler. The time period is late 19th century:
ROBBERY ATTEMPT
While I’m a man averse to violence of any kind it has to be acknowledged that in these hard times self protection is a consideration. As a survivor of the great freeze it must be noted that many trappers have taken to owning multi-chambered hand pistols of reasonable accuracy at close range. These are especially good for those with the limited eyesight so many folks in my profession possess. In fact, one of the reasons trapping is a popular profession among the sight impaired is that it doesn’t involve aiming at anything.
For safety’s sake trappers usually carry a dummy round in the first chamber to avoid serious accidents that would place them on Mr. Darwin’s extinction list. That brings me to the sad story of attempted theft of my meager firearm by an unscrupulous buzzard caught in the act of pilfering it. When he realized he’d been caught dead to rights his first reaction was to turn this dangerous weapon on it’s owner removing the most obvious witness to the event. In fact, this tragic tale would’ve ended there, but the unfortunate rascal failed to fill in the blank.
COUSIN ZEB
Seems like I've been walking forever. It's odd the things that go through one's mind with no destination in sight. Recalling wisdom passed down through the ages is supposed to help one’s journey, but usually the most important things are left out. I read somewhere that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, but there's no mention of how many pairs of shoes will be needed to get there nor where along the way one can acquire them.
For no particular reason that brought to mind a much younger version of myself overhearing my uncle whisper about cousin Zeb having bigger fish to fry. For the longest time I couldn't figure out what this big family secret was until one day I decided to follow my cousin to the lake. His behavior had always seemed a little odd until I watched him throw a baited grappling hook into the water. Never saw him catch anything, but after that his efforts made a lot of sense.
FORK IN THE ROAD
As a gambler traveling from town to town it’s easy to get sidetracked, never ending up where you intended, but life’s journey takes many paths. On one of those winding roads a kind gent with a wagon offered me a ride into town. My well worn boots and I graciously accepted.
After a time, I struck up a conversation with my benefactor, but it wasn't easy. This gentleman barely spoke and took everything literally without the slightest curiosity. He seemed incapable of conversation, much less understanding the basic skill required to set traps ...either on the prairie or at a card table.
Clearly he should’ve known by the cut of my clothes I was a gambler ...and by the extensive wear not very successful one. Tiring of hearing myself talk I changed the topic, asking him how far he thought it was to the next town. He just shrugged and said “we should get there taking the next fork in the road.”
This explanation would've satisfied most folks, but being a sharp-eyed observer of human nature with a keen gambler's sense, I asked him to pull-up and let me off. Thanking the gent for his generosity I decided walking to the next town might be easier since he was hauling a crates full of forks.
THE WEDDING
One of the most popular events on the prairie are weddings. Weddings bring the community together and being very festive occasions with food and hard liquor provided they usually draw a lot of uninvited spectators. That's why when plans are made for folks to get hitched things can go awry.
I was on my third trip to the doctored punchbowl when murmurings among the invited guests caught my attention. Apparently the bride's wedding veil had gotten loose before entering the church, the wind carrying it over the steeple where it hung like a snagged kite. Her cries of outrage had everyone in earshot seeking shelter.
The groom ...already considered a brave man... volunteered to make the risky climb to retrieve this escaping garment. After several trips to the punchbowl I was convinced his best man would take the place of the groom if failing to return from this duel victorious.
Whispers in the crowd over the band leader being held up also caught my attention. I wasn't sure if that meant the maestro was waylaid by thieves or just had a problem with clocks, but whichever the case it looked like this play wouldn't have a last act. The minister joined me in blessing the punchbowl.
I'm pleased to report that eventually everything got back on track. The happy couple took their vows, ...which must've been a relief to the best man… and I managed to win a few side bets playing the odds. But I'm still amused that this celebration was almost derailed by the bride's train leaving early and the conductor arriving late.
***Seasons Best to everyone!***   |
| 3 years ago |
Post 135 • IP
flag post |
Where's his Bat-package?
" . "
I have a problem with fattening women up.
I award you no points!
We should have the forum rate our packages.
I hear their hourly rate is outrageous!
-Our Odin-
The Fifth Golden Girl
I've spent years perfecting my brand of assholery.
"Forum Overlord" bah ha ha ha...
Masculinity takes a holiday.